thats just the way it is

Ive always wondered how people have no shame in being mad annoying.  I could never be some one like that. If theres one major thing that really gets to me is when someone is super stubborn...or just doesnt get the hint.  For Example if you txt me and i dont reply within 5 minutes...you send me txt after txt saying "??" "hello?" "are you there?" you know what that makes me do? Not reply at all anymore! :)  I would think thats embarrassing why do people do that? Or if you ignore a call..then they call 5 times back to back! & it not being an emergency...whats up with that.  & then it ends up getting them mad.  So many people boys & girls have done that to me.  SMH.  If i notice you get super butthurt or are stubborn lk that...haha its a red flag and im not bothering any more.  Goin back to txt messaging/contacting ... ive always been a person that feels if you want to talk to me, you'll hit me up first. Simply just because i dont like feeling like im bothering people...and when ur free or need to speak to me, you'll contact me q no? Thats how i see it. 

Gotta love subliminal messages :)

Oh lover...

J.B.D

If you ask my Mother..Father...Friends or closest cousin..to be honest even someone i dont know well just recently let it be known that she is aware of this too.  If youd ask them all who my favorite actor & or MAN..is..theyd rudely say.."JAMES DEAN!!!" almost with annoyance of you even asking such an obvious question lol.  Its true tho for a long long time ive had this crazy love for J.D...& i know a lot of people do..a lot of girls in particular..because they have his poster on their wall right?! Right next to Marilyn Monroe & Bob Marley!  Im not saying everyone but a good amount of people have pictures\posters of James Dean because it "looks cool" because they sale pictures of him at Target with nice frames.  Thats cool i guess.  But heres where i feel im different.  Not saying its something to be proud of...weird to some im sure of it haha but when i see James Dean...i dont see a "icon" or a super famous guy who has that style of hair.  I dont see his pictures & think "hmm that looks vintage ill take it"  If i can describe it..& ill try..i think ..I see a guy...who has a lot on his mind.  A guy whose judged often just because of his thought process & who is called "difficult" because he marches to the beat of his own drum.  I see a guy who is obsessed with what he loves but then quickly overcomes that obsession because it gets old.  I see a guy who is broken.  Broken because he was broken at a young age.  His mother passing was one of the if not THE MOST traumatic heart breaking thing he ever had to go thru.  & finally a guy who would probably chose love over his career.. He wanted to be loved...because he hadnt been whole heatedly since a child.  It fucks with my heart to think this guy died without ever being loved properly ..after his mother.  He was loud, he could be rude, his imagination was too much for the time he lived in.  His sense of humor..oh man..lets just say if a room was too quiet..youd eventually hear Jim moo like a cow.  He was far from perfect..far from rebellion like how hes portrayed being today.  I dont know why i feel such a connection with him.  I feel as if he was a friend of mine because of how i "get it" & because of how almost in tears i get at the thought of him being gone..dying the way he did.  He passed before my mother was born..there was no way i could of met him...i often imagine what it would be like if it was possible..i think id say "Hey Jimmy..lets go for a ride & not come back.." i think his response would be yes.  He loved adventure.. he was an insomniac ...like me.  I think if he hadnt died that day in September..he would of sooner of later because of his recklessness.  Well idk, its hard to really really explain why i love him so much, why im so connected to him...its like...idk.  One of my biggest dreams is to go to Fairmount one day...it would be cool if it was during the festival of his but regardless just to go.  Im kinda scared how id react passing the farmhouse...where he grew up...or his grave even.  I kinda stay stopped in a gaze when i think about it.  Well i could continue to go on but i wont.  I never actually wrote out this before so its kinda...weird.  Haha im not weird i promise..its just..when i love, i really love. 

'The need for love & security.

The need for creative expression.

The need for recognition & self esteem' 

 I Still Cry

Back again...kinda.

The most beautiful eyes i have ever seen..(ONE of the most beautiful) blue maybe? No..i like to call them clear.  I felt like he was tryin to say "..I dont want to be here..i rather be at home..but i have to, its mandatory that im here". Everybody loved him..& he was madly in love with his wife. I could tell by the way he looked at her.  So proud.  All i could do was *sigh* ..oh, i should mention im a artist & i was describing what is was like when i was drawing a portrait of Paul Newman earlier! c:  Hey yall!! Or whoever is reading this...its 8:04 AM....yesterday i told myself i was goin to go to sleep early...but obviously that did not happen!  I blame the internet.  No, no i blame my mind.  I had one of these blogs almost a year ago if not more..but i felt it was so random, so everywhere filled with Art, Photography, Music, My opinions and a lil bit about my life..i thought well thats not gettin me anywhere so i abandoned it!  Well im back now to see how this goes..expect the same randomness unfort....